Where I've been.

First off, sorry for dropping off the map entirely gang. I have been dealing with a lot lately and I'm not going to go into too much detail. Essentially, unhappy with my relationship with my now ex-girlfriend, I broke things off, and it has been nightmarish. Things are kind of on an even keel at this point, but let me tell you, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster these past few weeks. (Also, it doesn't help that I'm completely smitten with a woman I can never be with. Sigh... just my damned luck.)

I am going to be coming back to do some writing very soon, and the Vault should be alive and kicking again just in time for its NINE YEAR ANNIVERSARY?! (Holy crap, I can't believe my website outlasted my recent relationship....)

In any case, my sincerest apologies for not posting anything sooner. When I make my triumphant return expect me to finally polish off my top ten killer animal flicks. I've gotten a lot of e-mails about that, so let me answer any future ones by saying, yes, number one will be appearing on this blog before May is over.

I'm also gearing up to do a two part podcast as a tribute to spaghetti westerns, one of my all time favorite film genres, and I've also got an indie screener for "Ghoul Flesh Riot" to tackle.

So hang in there b-movie fans and until I get back to doing what I do best, be sure to give love to sites that continue to update on a frequent basis, like Badmovies.Org and Wtf-Film.com. Without webmasters like them, the online b-movie community would wither and die.

Herbal Medicine Classes in Champaign Urbana Central Illinois

DAYTIME: Wednesdays, June 3 through July 1st

Herbal Medicine Chest Course:
Several people wanted to take this course, but could not come in the evening. So, in addition to the class starting this Thursday evening on May 7, I am now offering the 5-week HMC class during the day on Wednesday mornings.

This course will cover somewhere between 25 and 50 herbs, holistic approaches to “medicine,” a traditional Chinese medicine view of “medicine,” and a Native American perspective on “medicine.” You will learn how to us herbs safely and responsibly; methods of preparing herbs; suggested herbs to keep on hand for everyday use; how to make herbal oil infusions and salves; and how to use wild edibles as food and medicine.

Teacher: Catherine Novak, Certified Medicinal Herbalist. PREREGISTRATION with payment REQUIRED. Call Beads N Botanicals at 217-365-9355 OR go to this link to pay:

Pay for Herbal Medicine Chest Class

Cost: $150 per person, due by May 30^th Or $125 prepaid by May 20th^. … 10am-12noon.

17th –century beads unearthed at island mission

17th –century beads unearthed at island mission

17^th –century beads
unearthed at
island mission

Huge
cache reveals more about Spanish empire’s
outposts and trade routes

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30192093/

A cache of some 70,000 glass beads from all
over the world has been unearthed
at an island off Georgia, comprising
the largest repository ever from what was
one of the Spanish empire's
most remote and wealthy outposts, and revealing more
about 17th-century
trade routes.

Made of French and Chinese blue glass,
Dutch layered glass and Baltic amber,
the beads were found as part of an ongoing research project at the former Mission
Santa Catalina de Guale on what is now called St. Catherines Island.

Founded in the 16th century, this site was the capital and administrative center of the province of Guale in Spanish Florida for the better part of a century.

For the entire article, go here.

17th–century beads unearthed at island mission

Beads N Botanicals Classes & Events for Spring 2009 in Champaign Urbana, IL

Body/Mind/Spirit Classes Spring 2009

Held at Beads N Botanicals

117 N Broadway Ave, Urbana, IL 61801
217-365-9355
Please pre-register and pay for all jewelry making and craft classes
at least two days in advance of the actual class, sooner, if possible, to guarantee yourself a spot in the class.

Herbal Medicine Chest

Rattle the Boneyard: Community Drum Circle

Introduction to Palmistry Reiki I

Saturday, April 18

Boneyard Arts Festival: Evelyne Tardy’s Mandela and Chakra Art. Evelyne’s work will be on exhibit at Beads N Botanicals from Friday, April 17 through the end of May.

Rattle the Bones: Community Drum Circle
Bring a drum, rattle, instrument or just clap your hands. Beads N Botanicals is hosting a drum circle as a part of the Boneyard Arts Festival. Cost: FREE. From 2 pm-4pm

Wednesday, April 22
The Sole Experience…Foot Reflexology with Marlita: Not a class, but an opportunity for you to pamper yourself. This special type of foot massage is available by appointment (recommended) or walk-in. Reiki Healing Sessions also available. Cost: $65 per hour; $35 per half hour. Noon to 5 p.m. Call the shop to make an appointment.

DAYTIME CLASS EARTH DAY: Recycle, Repurpose, Reuse: Making Paper Beads: Great ways to recycle old magazines and other paper into new art. Basic techniques for making paper beads for jewelry, beaded curtains and more. Cost: $10, 1 hour, materials included. …11am

Basic Stringing: Necklace Design: Want to learn how to put together a necklace, but not sure how to begin? Or, how to end it? Cost: $18, materials included. … 6pm

Saturday, April 25

Downtown Urbana Art Openings, Receptions and Open Houses.
Beads N Botanicals is featuring a variety of artisan’s works, including Evelyne Tardy’s Mandela and Chakra art, Marlita’s unique smudge feathers, Jean Nonman’s handcrafted wooden boxes and Cheryl Kemp’s colorful quilted artistry. Extended hours on Saturday (open 10 a. to 8pm), light refreshments from 6 pm-8pm. Other nearby Urbana galleries having art openings at the same time include Cinema Gallery, Furniture Lounge, Heartland Gallery, Madeline's Gallery (all on Main St.), and Fleurish (on Race St.). Also there is an Open House from 6-10pm at OJC Technologies, on the alley behind Cinema Gallery.

Saturday, May 2

Basic Wire Working: How to Make Earrings: A great starter class! You'll make two pairs of earrings. Please Note: This class is a pre-requisite for our Wire-Wrapping Pendants class. Cost: $15, 1 hour, materials included … 11am

The Sole Experience…Foot Reflexology with Marlita: Not a class, but an opportunity for you to pamper yourself. This special type of foot massage is available by appointment (recommended) or walk-in. Reiki Healing Sessions also available. Cost: $65 per hour; $35 per half hour. Noon to 5 pm. Call the shop to make an appointment.

Thursdays, May 7 through June 4^th

Herbal Medicine Chest Course: This course will cover somewhere between 25 and 50 herbs, holistic approaches to “medicine,” a traditional Chinese medicine view of “medicine,” and a Native American perspective on “medicine.” You will learn how to us herbs safely and responsibly; methods of preparing herbs; suggested herbs to keep on hand for everyday use; how to make herbal oil infusions and salves; and how to use wild edibles as food and medicine. Teacher: Catherine Novak, Certified Medicinal Herbalist. PREREGISTRATION with payment REQUIRED. Cost: $150 per person, due by May 6^th Or $125 prepaid by April 30th^. … 6pm-8pm

Saturday, May 9

Introduction to Palmistry with Sioux: Introduction to Palm Reading. Sioux Bowling has been reading palms since she was four years old. Over the years she has read many people's palms in Illinois, Indiana and surrounding areas. She is an incredible lady who is extremely compassionate as well as amazingly knowledgeable. If you have ever wanted to learn about how your life story can be read in your hands, this is an opportunity you will want to seize! (If there is enough interest, Sioux may teach ongoing classes in palmistry. But this is NOT a guarantee.) The workshop will be held from 11 a.m. to 12 COST: $20 if prepaid by May 2^nd; $25 per person after May 2 and at the door.

Sioux will also be available by appointment for readings on Saturday, May 16 (all May 9 appointments are booked)starting at 11:00 am to 5pm. Cost for readings is $35 per half hour, $65 per hour. If you are interested in an appointment with Sioux, register at Beads N Botanicals as soon as possible as the number of appointments available are extremely limited. Thank you.

Saturday, May 16

Basic Wire Working: Collage Pendants/Pins: Learn how to make theme-based pendants or pins using basic wire working techniques. Make great gifts whether for cat lovers, nature lovers, celestial themes, weddings, graduations or healing. Cost: $24, 1 hour, materials included … 11 am

Wednesday, May 20

The Sole Experience…Foot Reflexology with Marlita: Not a class, but an opportunity for you to pamper yourself. This special type of foot massage is available by appointment (recommended) or walk-in. Reiki Healing Sessions also available. Cost: $65 per hour; $35 per half hour. Noon to 5 pm. Call the shop to make an appointment.

Tarot and Divination Meet and Greet: Give a Reading; Take a Reading:
Do you read cards, runes, palms or something else? Do you want to practice, but have been too shy? Stop by and share your skills with other like-minded folks. All participants must be willing to give readings as well as receive them. This is an opportunity to have some fun and play. Cost: $5. Includes tea. 6pm to 7:30pm

Saturday, May 30

Reiki I Class: Saturday May 30, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sunday May 31, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Reiki, the art and science of channeling universal life force energy to promote spiritual, mental and physical healing. Reiki is a powerful and simple hands on technique, which anyone, regardless of health or age, can easily learn. Former Reiki students of Marlita may attend this class at no additional cost.

Cost: $150. Advance Preregistration with payment required.

Basic Stringing: Bracelet Design: Want to learn how to put together a bracelet, but not sure how to begin? Or, how to end it? $15, 1 hour, materials included. …11am

Advanced Wire Working: Wire Wrapping Pendants:
Do you have a stone that would make a wonderful pendant? But have no clue how to make it into a pendant? In this class, basic techniques for caging tumbled and rough rocks in cages of wire will be taught. Hands-on. Wire and stones will be provided. Bring a special piece if, you want. $22, 1 ½ hours, materials included. (Basic Wire Working: How to Make Earrings or Collage Pendants is a prerequisite to this class.) 1pm

Saturday, June 6

Recycle, Repurpose, Reuse: Making Paper Beads: Great ways to recycle old magazines and other paper into new art. Basic techniques for making paper beads for jewelry, beaded curtains and more.

Cost: $10, 1 hour, materials included. …11am

Psychic & Health Fair:
Saturday, June 13, 2009 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Come and Join Us! Palmistry, Psychics, Stone & Tarot Readers, Reiki, Reflexology and more.

$20 per session.

Boneyard Arts Festival: Mandala and Chakra Paintings by Evelyne Tardy

Mandala is the Sanskrit word for “circle”, and it also means “whole”, “center”, and “self”. It is a visual image created in a circle, and many cultures throughout history have used mandalas as a source of inspiration and/or meditation. Each painting Evelyne Tardy creates is created in the mandala form.

Mandalas are known for their healing characteristics. By placing them in your environment to look at and reflect upon, one can bring certain inspirational qualities into their awareness.

Evelyne began creating mandalas spontaneously in her artwork in 1993. Approximately seven years later she began to purposefully create them with specific symbols and colors to promote positive feelings and healing attributes.

Come and view her paintings at Beads N Botanicals during the Boneyard Arts Festival through May 30th. Beads N Botanicals is located at 117 N Broadway Ave, Urbana, IL 61801. Phone: 217-365-9355.

Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #2 - Razorback (1984)

Razorback (1984)
95 minutes / Color / Rated R

The Culprit(s): A giant man-eating razorback (i.e. a boar) that holds grudges, excels at nighttime ambushes, and doesn't like being taunted by its dinner.

The Plot: An American journalist named Beth Winters travels to the Australian Outback to do a story about the Pet-Pak meat plant, whose workers have been allegedly killing off the area's population of kangaroos in order to provide American and other countries with an affordable pet food. (My theory is that the kangaroo meat was actually being shipped to various McDonald's restaraunts.) Beth steps on too many toes in the small outback town she is staying in, and ends up on the wrong side of two "Road Warrior" rejects named Dicko and Benny. They run her off the road late at night, but their attack and attempted rape is cut short when a giant Razorback steps in to save Beth.... for its dinner! After Beth becomes pig chow, her despairing hubby, Carl Winters, shows up and begins searching for some answers.



He's pointed in the direction of a crazy old man who kills razorbacks for a living (mainly because a certain giant razorback ate his grandson in the film's opening sequence), named Jake Cullen. Eventually Carl discovers what really happened to his missing wife (few things are as depressing as having someone tell you that they found your wife's wedding ring in a huge pile of Razorback feces), and decides to exact a little vigilante justice, first on Dicko and Benny Baker, then on the monstrous warthog that ate his beloved. Carl is a good guy though, and he can't bring himself to murder anyone in cold blood, even if they deserve it. Still, he does manage to make sure that Dicko and Benny bite the dust (one falls down a mineshaft, the other is eaten by the razorback), and then destroys the scourge of the Australian wastes, by luring it into a giant "garbage disposal."



Why it made the list: Most people know Russell Mulcahy for being the director of the "Highlander" (the only good film in that particular franchise), but few are even vaguely familiar with this Aussie take on the "JAWS" tale. This film is a well-crafted thriller that wanders into total mind-f*ck territory a few times, and the lead antagonist (the giant razorback) is a rather awe-inspiring creation. What's sort of odd about this film is that the giant pig takes a backseat to all the human drama, and while that would seem to be a bad move, it actually works here. And oddly enough, the best part of the movie has to be the beautiful camerawork and cinematography, which adds a layer of depth to the proceedings, especially when Carl gets lost in the hellish Australian outback.

The intense heat from the sun and lack of water causes Carl to begin hallucinating, which leads to some strange and intensely eerie moments, especially when he is assailed by the rotting remains of a horse that bursts out of the ground! (This actually used to give me nightmares when I was a kid.) The acting is decent all around, which is good because this is essentially a character-driven film, and the razorback itself is pretty damned impressive. The super-swine was brought to life with some very effective animatronics, and while you wouldn't think a giant warthog could be a terrifying monster in a film, I beg to differ. The razorback proves to be a ferocious and intelligent beast, and its single-minded tenacity is quite frightening. If this thing is hungry, it will bash its way through the wall of a house, or the side of a car, just to get the tasty human treats inside!

Aside from the giant flesh-eating pig and the trippy hallucinogenic moments found throughout the film, the one thing I found profoundly strange was the sort of "Mad Max" vibe the film took on. Dust and sand are everywhere in the sparsely populated town this movie takes place in, and apparently everyone either drives broken-down vehicles, or heavily armored trucks that look like they came right out of "The Road Warrior." Hell, the townsfolk and the employees at the Pen-Pak plant look like they just stepped out of the friggin' Thunderdome!

This movie is a true outsider in the realm of killer animal films because unlike the rest, it has definite art-house appeal, and somehow that works in the movie's favor. Trippy visuals, gorgeous cinematography, and an odd, yet memorable soundtrack (by Iva Davies) makes "Razorback" one of the strangest (and prettiest) films in the nature strikes back sub-genre.

Why YOU should watch it: Its trippy art-house appeal aside, "Razorback" is still a film about a giant killer pig and that alone makes it worth watching. Sure there have been films in the past where people have been devoured by hungry swine ("Hannibal," "Rambo," and "Daddy's Deadly Darling" all come to mind), but this is the only film in which the man-eating hog actually bursts through obstacles to obtain the delicacy that is human flesh.

I think that all you really have to do to fall in love with this movie (or at least open up that closed mind of yours), is to watch the first ten minutes of it. Aside from the great lighting schemes and creepy visuals, we get to witness a giant boar bursting through a house in order to obtain its prize: a young child! That's right folks, a little boy is violently kidnapped and carried off by a giant pig in the opening moments of "Razorback!"



Along with the sequence where Carl Winters starts hallucinating while lost in the outback, this is one seriously crazy film that bears at least two viewings. (Once when you are completely sane and sober, and once when you are inebriated or in a "higher state of mind.") Plus it was made by the guy that directed "Highlander," so how could you possibly go wrong?!

Is it worthy of a remake? Hell no! This movie is an underrated and oft-forgotten classic that doesn't deserve to be sullied by a retarded redo. Sure the story can be recreated, and the effects can be improved upon, but no one will ever be able to recapture the film's "fever dream" vibe. Seeing as how "Razorback" is completely out of print, I don't think we'll have to worry about a remake any time soon.

Then again..... if a remake were in the works, that would almost guarantee a nice deluxe special edition DVD of the original film.... NO! I must not be tempted! As much as I want a legit Region 1 DVD of "Razorback," I don't want it to be remade! (Fie on you Hollywood if you dare to rape this piece of art!)

Well it's almost here b-movie fans... the number one pick for my all-time favorite killer animal flick! Rather than hand out my usual (hackneyed) hints, I'm just going to make you sweat it out until I type up my final article for this countdown. And really, why should I have to give you a hint when you probably already know what holds the top spot on this list. Check back soon, to see if your suspicions are indeed correct!

Check out Episode One of BMFV Radio!

I've been toiling away for hours to put together a half-hour online broadcast and it is now available for your listening pleasure(?). CLICK HERE to listen to episode one of BMFV-6600, "The Future of b-movie radio!"

Highlights of the show include:
A review of "Prophecy" (1979) complete with a few audio clips.
A sample of the soundtrack from "Prophecy."
Coverage of this month's theatrical, DVD, and Blu-ray cult film releases.
A teeny bit o' b-movie news.

It's been a long time since I've recorded anything live or otherwise, so I'm pretty rusty and say things like "You know" and "Uh" a lot. Sorry about that. I also ran into a few other issues (e.g. background noise caused by my propane heater), but overall, I think that this came out ok. If you enjoyed the show, please let me know. The entire future of BMFV radio is sort of banking on public reaction to this first episode, so any feedback will be greatly appreciated.